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Why Baseball Is
Better
Than Sex
Thirty thousand people cheer when you score. You can play baseball as much or as little as you want, YOU get to decide. The other team pays attention throughout, even if they're done scoring. Nobody comments on the size of your bat, as long as you know what to do with it. You don't have to compliment the other team on their new uniforms. You can play the same team every day for a year and it's never the same twice. You don't have to buy the other team dinner to get a game. You don't feel guilty about winning the ugly ones. After an unusually long and difficult baseball game you can still ride your bike home. The other team never has to forfeit a game because they're on their period. If you get all scratched up in a baseball game, you can brag about it to your wife. You can go a couple months without scoring and your balls won't hurt. You don't mind if your parents come to watch you play baseball. You can play three, maybe four baseball games a day. You don't care if the other team has had marital relations with diseased livestock. In a good weekend of baseball, you can play six or seven different teams. Playing the wrong baseball team won't get you shot. You can be absolutely certain that, nine months after a baseball game, the other teams lawyers won't call, asking for half of your pre-tax income for the next eighteen years. Rest assured that the other team will not invite you to the ballet. The other team doesn't demand that you shave before the game. The other team can smell like road kill and you'll never know it. If you don't score in a baseball game, the other team doesn't ask you if you've had that problem often. No matter how drunk the other team is they never throw up in your bed. |
Nation Visitors Since March 8, 2013